This guide is meant to inform and teach about a lot of new emotions* that come with any of the following events that introduce you to adulthood:
- Graduation from high school
- Coming of age and/ or turning 18
- Starting college
- Getting a full-time job
- Signing a Lease
- Any mixture of the previous or an alike event
Now, as adulthood begins, you will experience some new feelings you probably didn't feel much in high school and before.
Here are a few:
Here are a few:
Signing a Lease Shock: This feeling occurs when you first put a down payment and sign a lease for a house or apartment. It is a mixture of excitement (54%), trepidation (13%) , confusion (26%), and fear (7%). The feeling is characterized by wide eyes, a lighter wallet, and a general air of "did we actually just do that?" (For more, see Chapter 11: Houses House Your Life)
Exam Anxiety: This feeling occurs very frequently before and after exams at the college level. The frustration tends to occur simultaneously with cram sessions and waiting for professors to upload grades (therefore effects can occur from 3 hours to 10 days). This emotion is characterized by anger (65%), weepiness (24%), and anxiety (11%). WARNING: side effects may include lashing out (pre-exam) and vacant expression (post-exam). (For more, see Chapter 4: Tests Test Your Patience)
Feminist Frustration: The frustration accompanying the realization upon entering the adult world that women make an average of 75 cents to every dollar a man makes and are continuously catcalled, beaten, attacked, raped, and murdered every day and men still think feminism is about "who pays the bill at dinner". This emotion is characterized by anger (100%). It is also characterized by ranting and attempts to crush the patriarchy. (For more, see Chapter 6: Gender Engenders Your Lifestyle)
These are just a few of the hundreds of new emotions you can experience as you begin your adult life and you move forward through your life. If you are ready, then come with us as we begin a new adventure into adulthood!
*If you are looking for the guide on "new adult feelings" this is definitely not the book for you. Chapter 7: Romance Romanticizes Your Love Life is the closest thing we offer. Other than that, we can't help you. And frankly we don't want to.
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As much as I'd love to write a book on the tons and tons of new emotions I and others I know have experienced in college and throughout adulthood, this post is not it.
Nope. This post is about only one emotion, albeit one that has shaped much of my adult life so far: grief.
In 2013, both of my maternal grandparents died. We called them Dahgo and Poppy. Those were the names I gave them when I was a toddler. A little later came my younger sister, then my family, and by the time they passed away, everyone knew them no longer as Bev and Phil but as Dahgo and Poppy. Because they were so proud to be Dahgo and Poppy.
They were with us for every single celebration, every single holiday, and for many years, every single day.They were our babysitters. They gave me my first car. Their home was only 20 minutes away, and was a meeting place for our family for almost 40 years.
In short, they were the unspoken rocks of our family.
Writing this post is very hard. I've been trying to do so for months in many different forms, but I haven't been able to. Even now, I am literally shaking with emotion. Why? My tendency for nervousness? Perhaps. The intense sadness I feel without them? Definitely.
I miss them a lot. That probably goes without saying.
I miss the way Dahgo sang about everything. I miss Poppy's cookies. I miss Dahgo's spaghetti. I miss Poppy sitting at the computer playing spider solitaire. I miss seeing them as they were in life.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I like to think a picture is worth a thousand memories. And it's the memories of the person and of the events that make it so hard to look at. But they also make it so wonderful to look at that you can't look away.
October was one year since my grandma died and about a year and a half since my grandpa died, and, of course, everyone was very sad. But it made us think a lot about the types of grief.
My mom told me that there are two main kinds: grief and mourning. Grief is what happens when you miss them. Mourning is what happens when you imagine life when they are not there.
As far as grief goes, I can say that there is definitely a huge ache for them. There is a special kind of pain that comes with the death of a loved one. The feeling that life won't be the same without them. It's the kind of pain that hits you when you least expect it. Like when you lie awake, trying to fall asleep, and your brain decides it's a perfect time to tell you "Dahgo and Poppy are dead. They aren't here anymore and won't ever be again. Just think about that."
And you do.
You cry harder than you thought possible. You get angry and you argue. You go numb.
Sometimes you lose yourself in your work. Sometimes you turn to activities that you're not proud of. Sometimes you pray. Sometimes you yell at God. Sometimes you realize that there is more to life than what you're doing now and step out and try something new.
But you always hurt. It's a special kind of hurt that constantly reminds you why you're hurting. And it is really fucking awful.
I find mourning harder though. I can't tell you how many times that I have thought "Dahgo would love to hear about this" or "I wonder what Poppy would say about that".
It was harder than because for a brief moment, I forgot that they were gone and that our lives were permanently changed.Just for one second, the world is as it should be.
Then you walk into the brick wall. Every painful moment washes over you again. You feel like shit. And the pain just feels worse and worse. You keep feeling like it could never get any worse.
But grief is a cycle like a tide. For a while, it's fine and the pain is low. And then sometimes you are drowning and don't feel like it will ever end.
It was hard around my grandmother's birthday because I didn't feel like I could show my grief for fear of hurting other people. That's one of the biggest parts of me that I got from her: keeping people happy,often times at the expense of yourself.
But not showing it hurt the people I love who are still here.
It even caused real tension between my mom and I for the first time in my life because I wasn't showing the emotion. As she confronted me about it, I broke down. I had tried to stay strong for those I loved because I was scared my grief would hurt them more. But it was the exact opposite. Breaking down gave evidence to the pain I felt without her. As my mom said "she deserves big grief." And Dahgo did. She definitely did.
One thing that made it even worse was mourning for a different person for a different reason. No, not a death. A break up.
Break ups can cause mourning because it is the loss of a loved one. Your life has this person in it constantly, and then it just doesn't. And in my case, the only person I wanted to talk to about it was him. Very The Fault in Our Stars-ish, if I do say so myself.
He dumped me the day after my birthday after almost two years of a really great relationship. Some huge things happened during that time. I graduated high school, I completed my first year of college. Oh, and I lost both of my grandparents. So having all those feelings of grief come back during that last week in October made it even worse, as if that were possible.
I have struggled with the idea that I can be too much to love. I have a huge personality. I'm loud. I'm confident. I rant about equality pretty frequently. I like science and dance at 3 in the morning. A lot of times I feel that there is too much of me for someone to fall in love with, and when he broke up with me, all those feelings flooded back. I had had someone who loved all of me ( in a romantic way). Part of the grief of our break up was the struggle to think that I could eventually find someone like that again.
But everything in life is a teaching experience. It took that to remind me how many people in my life love me for just who I am.
Like my best friends. They were ready to come over as soon as I texted them that we were over. I had them come the next day. They brought me more chocolate than I knew what to do with, Diet Coke and Mentos to blow things up, a few small toys and lemonade, for when life gives you lemons.
My family, his family, and many more of my friends expressed to me how much they loved and supported me. It made me think that maybe my personality is big and it could be to much for one person to handle, but I've got quite a few people who are willing to take it on.
We have a collection of scrapbooks that my mom made when I was younger. In one of them was a picture of my Grandma Bessie, my grandmother's mother. The caption next to it said something along the lines of "she felt her losses deeply. I guess that's what happens when you love deeply too."
I seriously love that quote. It so accurately conveys how Dahgo was too. I saw it in her but also in my mom and my sister and myself.
Losing Dahgo and Poppy reminded us of how much we loved them and how much they loved us. We feel our losses deeply. But that's what happens when you love deeply too. And boy, did we love them deeply.
Feminist Frustration: The frustration accompanying the realization upon entering the adult world that women make an average of 75 cents to every dollar a man makes and are continuously catcalled, beaten, attacked, raped, and murdered every day and men still think feminism is about "who pays the bill at dinner". This emotion is characterized by anger (100%). It is also characterized by ranting and attempts to crush the patriarchy. (For more, see Chapter 6: Gender Engenders Your Lifestyle)
These are just a few of the hundreds of new emotions you can experience as you begin your adult life and you move forward through your life. If you are ready, then come with us as we begin a new adventure into adulthood!
*If you are looking for the guide on "new adult feelings" this is definitely not the book for you. Chapter 7: Romance Romanticizes Your Love Life is the closest thing we offer. Other than that, we can't help you. And frankly we don't want to.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
As much as I'd love to write a book on the tons and tons of new emotions I and others I know have experienced in college and throughout adulthood, this post is not it.
Nope. This post is about only one emotion, albeit one that has shaped much of my adult life so far: grief.
In 2013, both of my maternal grandparents died. We called them Dahgo and Poppy. Those were the names I gave them when I was a toddler. A little later came my younger sister, then my family, and by the time they passed away, everyone knew them no longer as Bev and Phil but as Dahgo and Poppy. Because they were so proud to be Dahgo and Poppy.
They were with us for every single celebration, every single holiday, and for many years, every single day.They were our babysitters. They gave me my first car. Their home was only 20 minutes away, and was a meeting place for our family for almost 40 years.
In short, they were the unspoken rocks of our family.
Writing this post is very hard. I've been trying to do so for months in many different forms, but I haven't been able to. Even now, I am literally shaking with emotion. Why? My tendency for nervousness? Perhaps. The intense sadness I feel without them? Definitely.
I miss them a lot. That probably goes without saying.
I miss the way Dahgo sang about everything. I miss Poppy's cookies. I miss Dahgo's spaghetti. I miss Poppy sitting at the computer playing spider solitaire. I miss seeing them as they were in life.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I like to think a picture is worth a thousand memories. And it's the memories of the person and of the events that make it so hard to look at. But they also make it so wonderful to look at that you can't look away.
October was one year since my grandma died and about a year and a half since my grandpa died, and, of course, everyone was very sad. But it made us think a lot about the types of grief.
My mom told me that there are two main kinds: grief and mourning. Grief is what happens when you miss them. Mourning is what happens when you imagine life when they are not there.
As far as grief goes, I can say that there is definitely a huge ache for them. There is a special kind of pain that comes with the death of a loved one. The feeling that life won't be the same without them. It's the kind of pain that hits you when you least expect it. Like when you lie awake, trying to fall asleep, and your brain decides it's a perfect time to tell you "Dahgo and Poppy are dead. They aren't here anymore and won't ever be again. Just think about that."
And you do.
You cry harder than you thought possible. You get angry and you argue. You go numb.
Sometimes you lose yourself in your work. Sometimes you turn to activities that you're not proud of. Sometimes you pray. Sometimes you yell at God. Sometimes you realize that there is more to life than what you're doing now and step out and try something new.
But you always hurt. It's a special kind of hurt that constantly reminds you why you're hurting. And it is really fucking awful.
I find mourning harder though. I can't tell you how many times that I have thought "Dahgo would love to hear about this" or "I wonder what Poppy would say about that".
It was harder than because for a brief moment, I forgot that they were gone and that our lives were permanently changed.Just for one second, the world is as it should be.
Then you walk into the brick wall. Every painful moment washes over you again. You feel like shit. And the pain just feels worse and worse. You keep feeling like it could never get any worse.
But grief is a cycle like a tide. For a while, it's fine and the pain is low. And then sometimes you are drowning and don't feel like it will ever end.
It was hard around my grandmother's birthday because I didn't feel like I could show my grief for fear of hurting other people. That's one of the biggest parts of me that I got from her: keeping people happy,often times at the expense of yourself.
But not showing it hurt the people I love who are still here.
It even caused real tension between my mom and I for the first time in my life because I wasn't showing the emotion. As she confronted me about it, I broke down. I had tried to stay strong for those I loved because I was scared my grief would hurt them more. But it was the exact opposite. Breaking down gave evidence to the pain I felt without her. As my mom said "she deserves big grief." And Dahgo did. She definitely did.
One thing that made it even worse was mourning for a different person for a different reason. No, not a death. A break up.
Break ups can cause mourning because it is the loss of a loved one. Your life has this person in it constantly, and then it just doesn't. And in my case, the only person I wanted to talk to about it was him. Very The Fault in Our Stars-ish, if I do say so myself.
He dumped me the day after my birthday after almost two years of a really great relationship. Some huge things happened during that time. I graduated high school, I completed my first year of college. Oh, and I lost both of my grandparents. So having all those feelings of grief come back during that last week in October made it even worse, as if that were possible.
I have struggled with the idea that I can be too much to love. I have a huge personality. I'm loud. I'm confident. I rant about equality pretty frequently. I like science and dance at 3 in the morning. A lot of times I feel that there is too much of me for someone to fall in love with, and when he broke up with me, all those feelings flooded back. I had had someone who loved all of me ( in a romantic way). Part of the grief of our break up was the struggle to think that I could eventually find someone like that again.
But everything in life is a teaching experience. It took that to remind me how many people in my life love me for just who I am.
Like my best friends. They were ready to come over as soon as I texted them that we were over. I had them come the next day. They brought me more chocolate than I knew what to do with, Diet Coke and Mentos to blow things up, a few small toys and lemonade, for when life gives you lemons.
My family, his family, and many more of my friends expressed to me how much they loved and supported me. It made me think that maybe my personality is big and it could be to much for one person to handle, but I've got quite a few people who are willing to take it on.
We have a collection of scrapbooks that my mom made when I was younger. In one of them was a picture of my Grandma Bessie, my grandmother's mother. The caption next to it said something along the lines of "she felt her losses deeply. I guess that's what happens when you love deeply too."
I seriously love that quote. It so accurately conveys how Dahgo was too. I saw it in her but also in my mom and my sister and myself.
Losing Dahgo and Poppy reminded us of how much we loved them and how much they loved us. We feel our losses deeply. But that's what happens when you love deeply too. And boy, did we love them deeply.
